Dear John Green... and other deep thinkers
Thoughts on illness, self-agency, and escaping the labyrinth of suffering
Forgive the late night ramble.
I’m writing this on the off-chance bestselling author John Green (or as Ashley C. Ford called him, “The Peyton Manning of YA Fiction”) is reading this because I either very courageously or stupidly wrote my blog url on the typed letter I wrote and gave to his wife, Sarah, to give to him to read.
If you are not John Green, you’re welcome to read too.
Dear John Green,
So I have just arrived at my hotel after attending your “Everything is Tuberculosis” book event in Indianapolis, and I have a lot of questions rattling around in my brain. The main one that I keep circulating is, “Are illnesses the fault of the individual?”
It’s so strange because from a logical standpoint, of course not.
Whether or not we are predisposed to a disease, whether an illness runs in our family history, whether we have access to whole foods, clean water, reliable healthcare, whether we are taught healthy diet/exercise habits from a young age, and so much more are all subject to a genetic lottery.
A majority of what influences our health outcomes-both from a biological and social level-are outside of our control: mainly where you are born and what family you are born into.
And from another standpoint, I see myself as the fault of my own illnesses. I have a lot of evidence that proves my behavior directly impacts my state of health.
I get sore throat when I feel stressed or don’t get enough sleep.
I get a headache when I suppress my feelings or watch too much TV.
I get a stomachache when I feel anxious or eat junk food.
Similar to suffering, I view illness as a consequence of my own actions. I only suffer when I choose to hold onto something that I have no control over. I stop suffering when I choose to let go and surrender over to a higher power. I get sick when I don’t take care of myself and/or live outside of alignment with my values. I stay healthy when I do take care of myself and/or live within alignment of my values.
I can see how this thinking is flawed, because based on this thought process, a part of me believes that all sick people are sick because it’s their fault. And, I don’t want to believe that to be true. It’s such an unhelpful, un-compassionate thought.
Because as you said during your event, “Humans put ethical narratives on illness in order to create meaning. Thus placing a double burden on the person who is suffering.”
But I need to believe my suffering is my fault because then my healing is also within my power. I need to believe I have power over my health in order to give a damn about trying to take care of it. If I lose that self-agency, if I believe that any control that I have over my life is just a story that I tell myself, then what even is the point?
I’m not sure I’ve reached my own conclusion yet, and I’m so tired because I spent over 3 hours driving from Naperville to Indianapolis, so I’ll need more time to develop my own thoughts but, hopefully as I read Everything is Tuberculosis, the answers shall become more clear.
Not Aguilera,
Christina
P.S. John, if you’re actually reading this, I’d love to know your thoughts. You can either email me at christina@heartquake.biz or comment on this post.
P.S.S. If you are not John Green, I’d also love to know your thoughts! Email or comment works.
Great Share - I think the Key Delineation to make here is between 'Control' and 'Influence'.
Control means that we have power over the ultimate outcome - which is false.
We can do everything right, play a perfect game - and still lose to blind-luck and damnable Fate.
Similarly we can be dealt a bad hand - bad family + poor environment - and Still come out on top.
All that we can, and that our environments, do - is *Influence* the percentages a bit.
We 'stack the deck in our favor' so to speak -
By developing better habits, nurturing healthy social connections, and doing our best to act wisely upon the knowledge and resources available to us -
But none of these guarantee the actual outcome.
They just push the needle and provide more pathways for favorable outcomes to occur.
A way to think about it is:
Moment to moment - we have some control, and each time we exercise it that adds up to the overall direction we are influencing our lives in - but the actual outcome - That's where we surrender to the great mystery. - I'd just rather surrender when the chances are stacked 80/20 in my favor rather than against me ;D
Christina, I swear we are on the same wavelength. I wrote recently - “could it be helpful to untangle our need for action from our feelings of fault/shame? To separate the desire for change from the belief that we must be wrong or ashamed to take action?”