SO I MESSED UP.
TWICE.
AND I PROBABLY WILL AGAIN.
It’s so ironic how you can spend two hours editing a singular sentence but zero seconds checking if all the links on your past email worked. That’s life for you.
This soul-crushing weight has been constraining my chest these past two weeks. I have invested hours in doing whatever I could to guarantee perfection for my BIG launch! Not only did it not go perfectly, I made multiple big mistakes.
The first email I sent was from “returning to ting ting” still. Then the second email was from “heartquake” but, all the links still returned to “returning to ting ting” so they all went to essentially nowhere! This is what happens when you try to panic overcorrect at midnight when you are running on 4 hours of sleep.
As much as my perfectionistic inner critic would like to use this as an opportunity to shame me into trying to become even more “perfect",” I know that this was the Universe/Higher Power/God/whoever telling me to sit down and humble myself.
It’s not going to be perfect.
Nothing I ever do will be.
Everything I write and post on the internet will be subject to typos, grammatical errors, technological issues, etc.
And I am not going to apologize for it.
Or beat myself up!
I forgive myself.
And I hope you forgive me too.
And I pray you believe in not only second but third, fourth, and maybe fifth chances.
So, this is my third try at a launch email.
I have fixed and checked the links.
I made some spelling/grammar corrections that my friend Sarah so lovingly pointed out.
I switched a word or two.
I italicized the changes if you want to see the differences.
And if you are like Sarah and would like to send me some corrections, go for it!
All feedback is welcome.
Hope you enjoy it.
And with that…
Thank you for being here (and an extra special thank you to all the people who have already read this).
With every word you read (or re-read), you are helping a little girl’s dream come true.
In June 2023, I left everything I had ever known to reconnect with a girl I had lost and almost forgotten, the fiercest version of myself, my inner kiddo, Ting Ting. With a year of traveling the world under my belt, I have set off on a new adventure: becoming a full-time writer.
heartquake is the beginning of this journey.
what is a heartquake?
I filmed an artsy video of me reading this piece on Instagram. It took many hours, lots of watercolor paper, and heaps of courage to post. Hope you enjoy it.
There is a feeling you experience the moment you know your life is about to change. It is like an earthquake rumbling from the inside out.
Your heart is cracking open.
Tectonic plates shift within the very core of your being. Seismic waves radiate out and down to your fingertips and toes. Artery walls crumble causing the blood gates to flood the body with a fervent energy that gushes, pumps, and flows, transforming into the perfect natural disaster.
You may feel light-headed- like you are about to faint. Your hand clutches your chest, trying to hold steady as the world around you deteriorates, and you hope and pray the feeling will slow, will quiet, and will give you time for you to catch your breath.
The desire to turn the other way will pull you in. It will call your name and its sweet siren song will steer you astray, urging you to run, run, run. Run away to where the water is warm and the ground is stable. Run away to where the land is good and the people enable. Come into my placid embrace, and let me keep you until you fall back asleep.
It is imperative you do not listen to this voice.
You are at war between your mind and your heart, your fear and your love, your body and your soul.
The only way to win is to surrender
Surrender to the fear. Surrender to the fire. Surrender to the ruin.
Let everything you know to be good and true decay into the earth. Give yourself the permission to begin anew. It isn’t starting over. It’s the leaves of a maple tree transforming from a serene green to a fiery scarlet fading to a mortal umber becoming nothing but bare bones until spring arrives again.
who am I?
I am an aspiring rich person, queer lady, and 25-year-old daughter of Taiwanese immigrants who risked it all to move to a tiny island in Thailand and chase her dream of becoming a full-time writer. I am up against societal conventions, parental expectations, and my inner critic. I struggle daily with perfectionism, procrastination, and people-pleasing. And yet, I wake up every day happy to be alive because I am on my way to fulfilling my life’s purpose. If I can do it, so can you.
what is heartquake about?
It is about empowering individuals to pursue their passions through stories about radical honesty, authentic relating, and creative recovery. Living what some might call a dream life still scares the shit out of me, and I want to be real about the risks I took to get here.
heartquake is the opposite of “fake it till you make it.”
heartquake is the embodiment of feel your fucking feelings.
heartquake is a rallying cry for courageous living and daring to dream big.
who is heartquake for?
Anyone who has been healed/hurt by the world of self-help
Struggling artists/blocked creatives/people who are creative but are scared to say it
Young people trapped by beliefs telling us, “ We will never make enough, do enough, or be enough.”
Queer people or people of color who desire to live outside of the lines
Aspiring and/or current world travelers
Rebels, truth-tellers, and anyone who has been told that they feel too much
My loved ones who want insight into my inner world
Everyone with a little voice in the back of your head that whispers “If only I just had enough money/time energy/skill/youth/experience… I could finally do (insert your version of a wild wonderful).”
For my fellow revolutionaries who dare to love themselves first in a world that measures self-worth in accomplishments, followers, and material wealth. To live life in service of your dream is to rebel against everything we have been trained to know.
why the name heartquake?
I named my blog “heartquake” to inspire people to embrace vulnerability, act courageously, and follow the quaking of their hearts. Heartquake is the feeling I get whenever I do/say/write something important to me or when I am honest about something hard to talk about. It’s how I know what I am doing has meaning.
when is heartquake?
Free subscribers will receive once a week:
heartquake: Short inspirational anecdotes about being brave despite fear
Paid subscribers will receive once a week one of the following:
everything works out: Unexpected travel stories where it seems like things are not going to work out… but they do!
it is not okay to be okay: Satirical comedic essays exploring emotional taboos regarding sex, love, mental health, and self-help.
a review of large attachments: Honest reviews of the physical and spiritual attachments in my life that I can’t seem to let go of.
christina’s creative cluster: A monthly video call where I lead a workshop on sparking creativity and writing from the heart
A monthly subscription is $6 a month which is the price of a cup of coffee or 1/50 of my rent for a single bedroom bungalow.
An annual subscription is $60 a month which is the price of a nice meal at a fancy restaurant or a 30-day visa extension for my stay in Thailand.
Please consider supporting me in this significant way, and I promise to make it worth your while. Thank you.
how will heartquake work?
To you, the person reading this, your presence means the world to me. Your support propels me forward. My gratitude to you is as endless as the amount of stars in the sky.
Ultimately, my vision is to create a community of supportive, kind, creative people who hold each other accountable, support each other’s passions, and reveal our true feelings. I hope through this blog, I cultivate a social movement dedicated to empowering people to chase their dreams, no matter the risk.
If you would like to support this vision, please share this post with friends, family, colleagues, or whomever you think would benefit.
what is next?
This is the end of this newsletter but, the beginning of this new chapter. Please stick around to be a part of it. Whether you or not you can pay for a subscription, YOU are WAY more important to me than your money. If you would like to receive full access but, are unable to afford it, please email me, and I will give it to you.
During 2020, I started an Instagram challenge called, “100 Days Of Sweat,” where I goaded myself into sweat every single day for 100 days. I hated working out, and I always dreaded it. This experiment was inspired by a YouTuber named Ammar who is a member of a YouTube channel called “Yes Theory.” Their philosophy is to say yes and “seek discomfort” in pursuit of personal growth. The philosophy stems from the belief that everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.
I completed 100 days of sweat (twice actually).
I didn’t lose any weight, but I gained my confidence back.
All of the best things in my life are because I faced my fears.
I hope this newsletter inspires you to do the same.
See you on the other side.
P.S. Have an awesome day/night wherever you are, you beautiful human!
