dreams becoming real

part two

Ari and I dance on the outer ring. It is densely packed with restricted movement. I cannot lift my arms high without risk of bumping into someone. The beat thumps. In front of me is a blonde shirtless man bobbing his curls back and forth. I am careful not to touch him.

I see an opening a couple of feet ahead of us. I step into it creating more space. Looking behind me, I grasp Ari's hand and bring her in. We slowly journey towards the center. The closer we become, the louder the voice rings in my mind. You can’t do this. I ignore it. I listen to the music.

The crowd is a mix of people from all over the world. Wild women in long-flowing skirts with bejeweled foreheads and miraculous men in billowy pants with hair past their shoulders. I look around and I see a bald, pale man tapping his chest, sitting cross legged on the floor. His eyes are closed and, his face is scrunched. The music moves through him.

My heart is racing, my body is dancing, but my eyes are fixated. He towers above the rest of the men in the middle. A couple of women flow around them using their circling hips and vibrant smiles. He is ferocious with his movement. Sun spills down from the ceiling, shining down on his body. A gold chain circles his neck whilst a loose tank top showcase his biceps.

Suddenly, an earth-shattering wail is released behind me. I turn around. The bald man is sobbing and shaking on the floor. A woman goes to him, tapping his body and holding his chest. She attempts to soothe him. His screams are violent.

I look to Ari with fear in my eyes. She pats me on the shoulder, "This is good. He is releasing."

We are in the inner ring now. One more step and we will be in the center of the crowd, in the heart of the beast, in the vicinity of his orbit.

Who do you think you are? Someone special?

My fear wells up inside of me. Its rising quicksand pulls me under through a spinning vortex of spiraling thoughts. It's circling squeezing me tighter and tighter.

I need to make a decision.

I look over to Ari. I point to the center and without words, I ask for permission to move in the middle. She smiles and reveals the soothing gap between her two front teeth. Without a thought, she steps forward, bringing me with her. We are here.

I close my eyes and, I dance.

My body expands as my arms swirl above me. I feel every curve of my torso flex with each tribal thump. I am a vortex. Waves of my long, black hair hide my face as I continue to whip my neck like a rubber band that never stops snapping. I turn and turn and turn and turn. I move and all the thoughts float away. There is no fear at the center of the universe.

The music shifts from electronic sound to a hymnal song. Its melodies loosen my insides, and I feel sound escape from my throat. I sing in harmony with the music with a long and rising "AHH." The sand blows away, revealing the deep cool waters underneath. I am a drop in the ocean that ripples out and out and out.

And then I hear it: a deep resonant voice singing with me in unison. I don't need to see to know that it is him.

Initially in our own worlds, he turns to face me. Our eyes meet. Big, beautiful, brown eyes lock onto mine with a gentle intensity. We move closer to each other, never breaking our gaze. Our voices get louder and louder as we sing to the music. His face is inches away from mine. He reaches out his hand and holds mine. It is soft and steady. The music dies down, and our voices rise higher. Everyone is listening. Yet, there is nobody else in the room but the two of us.

Time slows down. Joy backflips in my open chest. I smile with the warmth of a thousand suns.

Read part three to find out how I manifested Josh into my life.